i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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