That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
