Your dad touched me again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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