Tell her she can't have a vagina
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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