Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All the doctor said was why
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
