i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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