I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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