The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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