how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
