youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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