I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
