her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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