Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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