I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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