I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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