he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
