it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
