He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
