I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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