The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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