Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
