It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
