Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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