shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
