Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
