Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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