i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
