I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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