suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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