I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
