When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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