Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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