while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
