Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
