I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
