watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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