Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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