Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
