and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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