I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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