Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
