Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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