then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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