I could have mohawked her pubes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
