So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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