They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it penis luge time yet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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