She is in my trunk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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