vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
