he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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