im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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