OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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