you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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