I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
