Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
