I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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