apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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