Only a mothe r could love this liver
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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