My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
