Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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