Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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