Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
