Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
