If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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