You can't special order awesome
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
