Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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