I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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