Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
