You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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