That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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